Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
