i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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