You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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