just tell him i said nine months
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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