Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
