She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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