I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
