is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
