I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
