No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
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