I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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