Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
