Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
