idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I cannot find my penis.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
