Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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