I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
