I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I deserve this hangover.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
