Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
