dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
