I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
