You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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