Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
