If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
