i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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