i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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