I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
