all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
