I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
