I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
