I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
