At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
