And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
