I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
