Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
