so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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