I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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