I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
