The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
