Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
