oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
