At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
