You made me cry and you don't even care
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
