Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
