Someone shit on the floor
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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