He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
