I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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