Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
