apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
