It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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