About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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