I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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